livingnowsc

Living Now By SC

A little Past..

on March 16, 2013

I was thinking about what to write tonight, but my thoghts were soon answered when I recieved a phone call from my ex husbands girlfriend. I know that sounds weird but we talk almost everyday, she was my “friend” that introduced me to dope and became my using friend. People ask me all the time, “Do you think that she is still using?” To tell the truth I don’t honestly known if she is or not, I know that I am not using with her, but to tell the truth she has become a good friend despite of our past history. She is the reason that I get to see my children, she is the reason their dad finally started leaving me alone, and even though we used together and I hated her for a while, she has improved my life. So she said to me “I got a wake up call today…” I asked her what happened and she had found out that her older son had found his dad on facebook and had been texting him. She said that when she found out she was really mad and she had told her son to get him on the phone.. she said when she got on the phone with him (their dad) she let him have it, cause he had been gone out of the boys lives for the past couple of years and that he had picked a woman over his own children and so forth. I had to tell her that she was wrong and I was no better than he was, yet she has always
supported me and she has always took my side and not my ex’s that even though I screwed up, I had the right to see my childrden, as long as I was doing what I should. I asked her how that was any different, and thats when she said at least you came to your kids and pushed to be apart of their lives , they didn’t have to come find you. She said that she felt like it was wrong cause her son was the one that looked for him and that he was so wrong for not looking for his kids and he hadn’t come to them, so to say. It was then what I realized that i could write about that today… which is… “when you are in addiction and something happens whether it be that you loose touch with your children or they get taken away, in addiction and even in recovery you beat yourself up quite a bit, about what it was that you did or what it is that you’d still doing, you have abhard time forgiving yourself, so you figure that everyonenelse is not going to forgive you either. 5o tell the truth, that isn’t true. Once you are doing what you should they have more than likely already forgiven you. They usually forgive you the moment that they know that you are serious about getting your life together. Being able to reach out to those that you lost in your addiction , willncome with time as long as you are willing to take that step eventually. It takes that time because it takes a recovering addict time to be able to handle strong feeings again. It is something that does get easier… And for those of you that have someone that you were really close to that you had to let go of, or that backed away from you because of their addiction, and you have heared around town that they are doing good and trying to get their life together and you feel hurt causenthey haven’t called you, I am letting you know don’t feel hurt, know that they are mo3e than likely scared and reach out to them instead. And if your the addict or recovering addict know that everyone forgives you and more than likely they will more than likely forgive you faster than you can forgive yourself…

That’s my quote for this post:

It is easier for those we hurt to forgive us, than it is for us to forgive ourselves..

By: SC… Me, myself, and I

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