Living Now By SC

The unexpected..

on March 22, 2013

Unexpected.. Last year in February of 2012, I had a daughter, the day after she was born as I was waiting for her to get released from the hospital, I was informed that there was a court order to remove her from my care. It wasn’t because I had tested positive for drugs when she was born, it wasn’t because I didn’t have a stable home environment for her, it wasn’t because I didn’t have the things I needed for her, and it wasn’t because I was unable to care for her. Division of Social Services (DSS) took her from me because of my past. In 2010, I had a little boy removed from my care because of drug use. I had tested positive for marijuana and opiates, and even though I didn’t test positive for meth, and I hadn’t done it in the last couple of weeks, I had still been doing it for a year. They took him that day and I was suppose to go to inpatient treatment, so I went and after a week I decided that I was healed and that I didn’t need to be there anymore, so I left. My PO violated me for leaving and made me go do a 120 treatment at the woman’s state prison. When I got out in January of 2011, my grandparents had my child and they were his foster parents. I tried to do what I needed to do in order to get my visits with him, but every time I would complete what I needed to complete in order to get my visits, my case worker would always have a reason not to give me my visits and she would always come up with something else that she wanted me to do. I gave up, my grandparents had him, and they were already really attached to him, attached enough that they were already saying that they would adopt him, and part of me was afraid that if I fought and got him back, then it would hurt them, and something would happen to them. The other part is that they are retired, they have money, and they are able to give him a really good life, and he had gotten use the type of life that they could give him. I didn’t want to take that away from him. So it not only was best for him to stay, but I felt that I owed it to them also. (They had raised me, and I was awful to them and I had hurt them really bad, many times, it was my way of making it up to them.) In June of 2011, I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter, I still went to all of the court dates for my son, while I was waiting on the paperwork to get ready so that I could sign and they could adopt him. At these court dates I was always made to go do a UA and a hair follicle test, which always came back clean. My last hair follicle was done in August of 2011 and it was clean, the paperwork giving up my parental rights, so my grandparents could adopt him, was signed in November. Even though my case worker in the one county had promised that she would find a way to take my baby, the case worker in the other county said that she couldn’t do it, and that she had no right to, as long as I stayed clean, and made sure I had a stable home environment for her. Well, come February 2012 I had my baby and the social worker that said that she would take her no matter what I did, made good on her promise. It has been over a year now, I love my daughters foster parents they are really good people. I hate what has happened and I know that none of it was right. I know that they should have never taken my baby from me, but then since it has already happened and there is nothing that I can do about it now, it is done did, so the only thing that I can do is to find the positive in the situation. Part of me wishes that someone would hear my story and be able to help me, fight and make DSS make right the wrongs that they have done. Going through getting my child back I have meet some really great people, and my daughter has the best foster family that I could of ever asked for. I don’t know how I know, but I know that her foster parents were made to believe that they would be able to keep her, and even though I have done everything that has been asked of me for a year and I haven’t done anything wrong, DSS looks for reasons not to give her back to me. I know that the DSS system is not fair, it is ran by people and people have feelings and emotions. I am lucky because I was able to get a foster family that even know I know that they want to keep my baby, that they do everything that they can to help me get her back. They are the most unselfish people, and I know what it is like to loose a child, and when I get my daughter back, for them it will be like loosing a child. I really hope someone that can make a difference reads this post, and can help others realize that the DSS system is extremely flawed, it is ignored and needs to be fixed desperately. These are families lives at stake. There is no room for error. Most days being in the system, I feel that I am not allowed to be human. I am not allowed to make mistakes, and I can’t afford for anyone involved to make mistakes. I live a life of fear everyday, that even though I am not doing anything wrong, one of my drug screens will get mixed up and it will come back wrong. I live in fear that they will find anything just a little wrong, they will not give her back to me. I cannot afford to make mistakes and I cannot afford for people to make mistakes, or I loose my child forever. Most days it is so overwhelming, I feel like I have to live the perfect life, have the perfect answers, and have the perfect behavior. I am scared everyday that something is going to happen and I won’t get her back. I am scared that if I answer on question wrong they take her forever. My heart drops every time DSS calls me or comes to the house. I live in fear. I don’t get to make mistakes, I can’t afford life to happen, if life happens for me I loose my child and possibly even my new baby that I just had. The only thing that I have most days, I do have a great support system, and I do believe that my daughters foster parents are part of that support system…


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