livingnowsc

Living Now By SC

About

My name is Sara, I am 29 years old and I have had 5 children. I am a recovering addict. I have been in recovery for the last 2 years. I don’t know about the “clean date” stuff for me, I say the last 2 years, because those are the years that I actually committed myself to getting clean and bettering my life. That is a really good way to put that.. (Justifying) (Part of being a addict) I have had my bumps in the road, but no one is perfect..(Justifying, by the way I am a addict). If someone would have asked me 6 months ago, when did my drug problem start…? I would of said, it started at the age of 26, when I was going through withdrawls from pain pills and I went looking for something to help and found Meth.. That was the first time I had ever seen meth, done meth, and put a needle in my arm… But I now know that isn’t true, I became a addict back in high school the first time that I ever smoked pot and realized that I liked it, and began using marijuana on a regular basis. I didn’t think about marijuana, and just using that made me a drug addict. Then when I was 24 I began taking pain pills on a regular basis, it countered the effects of marijuana and made me super woman, so now I could smoke pot, work full time and take care of 4 children and a mentally abusive relationship. Then a year later, I began taking a stronger pain pill because I had gotten rid of my husband, got pregnant, and ended up with kidney stones through the last part of my pregnancy. I thought I was hooked before, know there was no doubt about it, I had to take a pill every morning or else, I wasn’t “normal”. I had gotten use to being super woman and being able to keep up and have a ton of energy. Well, then the dr took away my pain pills from me, now I need help. I was begging for help, I begged my boyfriend, I begged my mom, I begged my ex husband, I begged everyone to let me go to treatment, I didn’t understand what was happening to me, all I knew is that I needed help. I knew that there was someone out there that could tell me what was going on with me and help me fix it. No one would help me it seemed. Everyone I knew told me not to worry about it, and that I was being a baby, just to get over it. I went to see 2 other drs, they wouldn’t explain what was happening to me, they just told me “you have been without pills for 2 days, your though the hardest part you’ll be fine in a week, here is some klodpin to help you. Which know I know that there are drs that can help you, and there are places that will help you. After going through everything for 3 weeks, I went looking for something to help and I found meth. That’s where I always thought my problem started, but as you see.. And you know what the biggest surprise was? No one was willing to help me until I had taken my life down such a dark tunnel that I couldn’t even see the end and didn’t even know which direction to start looking, and that meant that I ended up in a county jail and had lost my youngest to DFS and the other two were with their dad, I had destroyed my life, then everyone that I had asked for help before was willing to help me. One drug turned into two drugs and two drugs turned into 3 drugs, and know I know that I am a addict and I am always going to be a addict, and I can’t use anything. I am able to recognize many of my behaviors which are addictive behaviors. Most days I need to just stay in my room and hide from the world cause I just don’t learn ever never ever it seems. I guess I am though, I was a hot mess when I started this road, but now I am still just a hot mess, only I guess you could say that I am partly able to control more than I could 2 months ago… Well maybe some days.. (Impulsiveness and Instant Gradification are still..) Hence the page name.. SC Living Now…


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